Has God ever spoken to you through someone else, maybe a friend, acquaintance or even a complete stranger?  Has anyone ever come up to you out of the blue and spoken truth into your life about a struggle that your in the middle of, and then gone away, if so, God has spoken to you first-hand.  It happened to me today.
You see, I haven’t slept well every since the miscarriage occurred and although deep down I knew it was due to the events that occurred, I wouldn’t let myself dwell on what had occurred.  Why?  Because I am the man of the house, the husband to my wife and the father of my children, in other words, I am supposed to be the rock by which my family can depend, or at least I thought so. 

When God talked with me today, he spoke though a new acquaintance of mine, named Thomas.  After service today, Thomas approached me and just started talking about how he had been praying for me ever since he had heard about our news, and that he too knew what I was going through as he and his wife had gone through the same thing years earlier.  That in itself wasn’t too unique as many people have been praying for us, however what he said next, pierced me in the chest and made me realize that Thomas was no longer speaking with me, but God Himself. 

He went on to tell me that everything my heart and mind had been thinking but not wanting to share with anyone else.  He said that I was:

Wondering if at anytime, maybe I didn’t really want this baby, and wondering if that is why this occurred or even blaming myself for it.
Wondering if my lack of faith around being able to financially support my family after this child caused this to occur. 
Wondering if it okay for me to mourn this loss, as I am supposed to be here for everyone else (be their rock)?
Then he said the one thing that you hear all the time, but when God says it to you for some reason we take it to heart.  He said, your feelings matter, and it’s not your fault.

After some very uncomfortable silence as I tried to hold back tears, Thomas’s cell phone rang and he was gone. 

I haven’t been able to get this out of my head or heart all day.  I just continue to replay it in my head.  How did Thomas know what to say at that moment, how did he know exactly what I was going through, and why did he need to bring it up, as I was more than happy to bury it, and never become emotional.  My answer…. Thomas was just the instrument that God used to speak into my life.  Now I have to respond…..

So what is my response…
1.     Thank you God, first for using Thomas, and I pray you would bless him for his service to you.
2.     Thank you god for not allowing me to continue to speak superficially about my thoughts of this situation
3.     Thank you God for validating my feelings
4.     Thank you God for reminding me of your presence in my life.
5.     Please be with me and guide me through this mourning process, specifically around guilt and fault
6.     Teach me to know how to mourn this loss.
7.     Through this, Grow (exponentially) my faith in You
8.     Allow me to use this experience to guide others to you and your kingdom.

As for you (those reading this blog), thank you for your thoughts and prayers, and I am sorry that I haven’t been as genuine with you as I could have or should have been during these tough times.  Please continue to pray for me and my family.  Please pray specifically that God would lead me through this mourning process and that I would follow His teachings which He has spoken into my life today. 

Doing my best to cleave to Christ.
- Keith Wagar

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